 When I saw this headline in the Lewisville Leader: "Burgess: Transportation, energy are top issues", I just had to shake my head and sigh a bit.
“Transportation continues to be the No. 1 issue,” Burgess said. “With gasoline prices rising, more people will be relying on public transportation.”
When contacted for comment, The Economy said:
"Yeah, right! 'Transportation - sure!' I get no respect. People can still get where they're going. They just can't afford it. Republicans like [Representative] Burgess should know that - this situation is what they have been working so hard to accomplish for the last 8 years! Come on, I mean everybody knows this is all related to a weakening of the U.S. Dollar, brought on in part by record Republican deficit spending, as well as unchecked speculation in the futures market. 'Transportation?' What else is he going to say is a top issue? Digital TV? Come on! Fuel prices, people could handle, if it weren't for all of my unemployment, inflation, and wage stagnation. Gimme some credit here!"
Public Transportation said that he appreciated the nod from Burgess, but that he didn't expect to be called upon until gas prices hit about $7 to $8 per gallon. "People like their cars," he said.
Endless War in the Middle East also weighed in on Burgess' seeming lack of priorities:
Transportation and Energy? Aw naw, he just didn't! That mofo be dissin' me! I'm way bigger than some damn gas prices. Four bucks a gallon? How about thousands and thousands dead? How about a couple trillion bucks by the time I get tired? I killed lots of young souls to get where I am, and I be dammed if I'm gonna take this sittin down. And another damn thing. My buddies and I caused the instability in the world's oil producing regions, that has led to the fuel price skyrocketing.
In Burgess' defense, a couple of unemployed former mortgage-industry workers (there are a lot in the district) noted that they appreciated Burgess' position on gay marriage, noting that it had saved at least one of their [heterosexual] marriages. (through means unknown...) "I also appreciate that Mike voted against that dadgum SCHIP extension. Damn free-loading kids wanting their free health-care! Lots of 'em are illegal Mexicans too!"
We asked The Constitution of the United States what she thought about Burgess's "#1 issue", and she replied:
Are you freaking kidding me? I've been repeatedly raped for 8 years now! I'm an old lady who has survived over 200 years of challenges, and now they just ignore me. For the illusion of a bit of temporary security, they would gut my bill of rights - which by the way, was meant to apply to natural human beings, not their corporate sponsors.
Food Prices just shook his head and laughed. "Yeah, I suppose Doc Burgess doesn't go to the grocery store for himself anymore."
Speaking of food:
Burgess said possible solutions would be to no longer keep available oil in Alaska and parts of the Midwest off limits for production, and increase the use of Ethanol.
Ethanol is a fuel that can be developed from corn, wheat and other farm crops. Burgess said he has noticed that many farmers in Arkansas and other parts of the nation have turned to raising corn rather than other products because of a subsidy offered for corn.
We attempted to contact The Environment, but Mother Earth said she was sick with a fever and couldn't talk. Ms. Earth did volunteer that "the Environment loves her wildlife, and would like to retain just a few areas off-limits to new piercings, so that future generations can remember what she looked like when she was young and pristine."
Burgess went on to address other high priority issues:
Burgess also reminded the crowd that at midnight on Feb. 17, 2009, federal law will require that all full-power broadcast stations must stop broadcasting in analog format and broadcast only in digital format. This means, he explained, that anyone who gets television reception from an antenna will need a converter box in order to receive the signals. He said the federal government will issue two coupons per household for the converter boxes.
Burgess also explained why the date of Feb. 17 was chosen. He said Jan. 1 wouldn’t work because that date might interfere with people watching bowl games and that the changeover needed to be after the Super Bowl and before March Madness.
“We decided that Feb. 17 was the least offensive day to make the change,” he said.
Indeed. |
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